"One often hears beautiful people in the media talk about how ambitious they are. Overstatement? Maybe... but what could be more ambitious than making a living out of being useless?"
An acquaintance of mine is exceptionally beautiful. Both her body and face are equisitely shaped and chiselled. In the myth of Narcissus the young boy spends all day staring at his reflection longingly. That is precisely what my beautiful acquaintance does.
It didn't catch me by surprise to hear that there is some evidence that the fusiform (part of the temporal lobe specialised for recognising faces) is also responsible for our appreciation of beauty. Nor did it surprise me that heterosexual men and women can identify physical beauty in both sexes (although only get aroused by the opposite sex). What does surprise me is that beauty appears to be very much like a narcotic but before the age of 30 people seldom seriously talk about beauty like this (and they don't actually use the word 'narcotic', they usually refer to it as being 'deceptive').
(Alert readers will pick up on the similarity between 'narcotic' and 'narcissist')
When I think of my beautiful acquaintance looking at herself admiringly in the mirror I am reminded of myself on a warm summer's day at the university admiring the hundreds of well-shaped and proportioned young women. It is important to note that even without any intention of chasing and sleeping with all of these women there is still pleasure just in observing their physical beauty. I know some women definitely feel the same way as I do when they observe physically beautiful men and I also know some men who just don't get why looking at physically attractive women is that exciting.
However, for many people, probably the majority, looking at physical beauty is exciting. So what happens when you're physically beautiful like my acquaintance? I suspect that you simply fall in love with yourself. I think it becomes so exciting to admire oneself that one begins to have fantasies about oneself like one often does about that proverbially attractive person in the office who smiles and says 'hi' to you each morning. Fortunately, that very beautiful person in the office is capable of rejecting us and returning us rudely from a daydream back to reality. But if you're in love with yourself there is no one to who can wake you up from this daydream, except perhaps old age... but really by this stage the narcissist has most likely fucked their life up.
From a biological perspective it is interesting to note that human beings did not evolve in the presence of mirrors and therefore there is no biological beneficial role in this kind of behaviour.
From a sociological view it is interesting to note that most attractive people are more confident and outgoing than less attractive people. Most likely because they get so much positive feedback from other people who really just smile and say nice things to them simply because they look beautiful and not necessarily because they have earned it.
I should mention that if it sounds like I have an axe to grind against beautiful people that's partly true. I know a few people who are both beautiful within as well as without but the majority of attractive people I know are deepling in love with themselves to the point where even having a friendship with them is inevitably unbearable and boring. I know in some of the exceptions I have met they have a low opinion of themselves because of abuse they have suffered as children which probably stopped them from falling in love with themselves because they had so much negative self-talk going on inside their heads by the time that they could admire themselves in a mirror. Other rare cases just seem very down to Earth, yet gorgeous and not self-hating... truly lucky people.
I guess I should make it clear here that my belief is thus: beauty is (generally) a curse.
Anything that makes you feel good without a rational reason will introduce delusion into ones thinking. Sure, if you realise this and have some form of emotional counter balance (not necessarily from abuse but also from more positive sources like an aethestic appreciate of internal virtue) then you're capable of admiring your own beauty without becoming delusional from it.
Delusions are harmful precisely because they feed us false information about the world we live in. If you have a false perception of what's important in life then you're going to make decisions that are far less likely to result in the desired outcome. For example, I might admire a beautiful person and it makes me feel excited to be with them... but if I give too much value to their beauty and marry them because of it then I'm running the risk of either finding their personality hideously ugly or ceasing to love them once they grow too old to be attractive anymore.
Why am I spending so much time on this topic which is really starting to be obvious to every person near and after that age of 30? Well simply because the age of 30 is far too late to be understanding how harmful beauty can be to oneself and others. Sure, it really does help with breeding more people and increasing genetic diversity in tempting married men and women to cheat... those really are great biological benefits and our genetics are well ahead of us there.
The thing is, our genes don't care about our happiness at all, they only care about their own survival. What's good for our genes isn't necessarily good for our long term happiness. From a biological point of view we can be utterly miserable but our genetics will be thriving. This is a serious problem for any sentient being as it puts limits(/threats) on our freedom to act rationally.
I don't feel comfortable saying these behaviours are right or wrong. I'm sure in other cultures many of these problems aren't issues at all. But what is wrong is that we aren't encouraged to look at this problem of beauty seriously when we're teenagers and only just discovering physical beauty in a new and exciting way. If we have all the facts and the philosophical tools to use them properly we could avoid a lot of pain later in life.
As for the beautiful people who have fallen in love with their reflections with a glazed look in their eyes... I can't help but feel sorry for them like I would a heroine addict. Just because something feels good doesn't mean it is good. These people have a seriously problem and our continued admiration of them only makes things harder for them. They need tough love, but sadly unless the great majority of people agree around them they aren't likely get enough to help them come back to reality... and really, why would they? Physical beauty is power (erotic capital).
Showing posts with label freedom to act. Show all posts
Showing posts with label freedom to act. Show all posts
02 February, 2010
The Self-Destruct Instinct
The recent death of my father has forced me to come to terms with an uncomfortable truth. Although my father didn't consciously acknowledge that he was doing this, he effectively killed himself. Through smoking, alcohol abuse, bad eating habits and a sedentary life-style my father had removed 20-30 years from his life expectancy.
As a child growing up I struggled with the irrationality of my father's self-destructive habits. I felt deeply hurt by his self neglect because I felt it had a negative impact on my life and happiness. When I grew older I came to understand my father better. He was a dazed and blinded soul who had lost much of his will to live. Certainly, he was neither suicidal or aware of having a self- destructive nature. Yet I feel certain that my father hastened this death considerably through his day to day decision making.
My father was not alone. Millions of people smoke, drink too much, take drugs, don't eat properly and fail to exercise enough. Millions? Billions is more accurate. We as a species have a curious habit of destroying ourselves.
As a biologist the first question I must ask is, what is the survival advantage of having a tendancy to neglect and harm ourselves? The truth is that not all self-destructive behaviour is considered bad.
Enlisting in the armed forces or police force of your country is a sure way to put yourself in harm's way. Doing a PhD, quitting your job, having sex with a stranger and going on a hunger strike are more ways one can harm oneself.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that this tendancy to harm ourselves is very important. Not simply because it makes us capable of heroic sacrifice but on a more sublime level it gives us a sense of free will. I know scientifically speaking absolute free will does not exist, but I don't want to go into that topic today (but be assured this is a topic I definitely want to cover in the future).
Instead consider an animal that can only act in its best personal interests. Such an animal is not capable of giving freely (they would always be expecting an equal or greater reward for their generousity else they are being self-destructive). They would also not be capable of making a choice, as a choice requires more than one option. If the only option is self-preservation then one isn't capable of considering radical solutions to problems like turning around and facing the problem head on in spite of the risks.
I enjoy watching David Attenborough's wildlife series but I'm always frustrated whenever I see ten thousand impalas or caribou flee a hunting dog or a solitary wolf. If the herd turned on their predator they could easy trample and kill it by sheer weight of numbers. But clearly these animals have no choice because they very predictably flee from a problem they could easily solve with a small amount of intelligence. Tragically, the few smart prey who do turn around and fight are rare mutants that don't occur spontaneously in large enough numbers to be effective and so the gene pool is kept clean of rebellious elements.
I postulate that a delicate balance of self-preservation instincts versus self-harming instincts is inside all of us. I believe this is both natural and desirable to have. I also believe our ignorance of our own tendancy to harm ourselves by investing more than we should into a project or relationship is more harmful than not having the ability to put ourselves through difficult experiences like post graduate education or raising children.
Today I have been thinking about all the ways I induce pain on myself and why. Poverty, so that I may follow a dream to become a scientist. Physical exhursion so that I might become fitter and stronger. Helping people out so that I will have people willing to help me when I need it.
No wonder we can't tickle ourselves, it is all so it won't hurt so much when we decide to harm ourselves for our own good. Gosh we're a complicated species.
As a child growing up I struggled with the irrationality of my father's self-destructive habits. I felt deeply hurt by his self neglect because I felt it had a negative impact on my life and happiness. When I grew older I came to understand my father better. He was a dazed and blinded soul who had lost much of his will to live. Certainly, he was neither suicidal or aware of having a self- destructive nature. Yet I feel certain that my father hastened this death considerably through his day to day decision making.
My father was not alone. Millions of people smoke, drink too much, take drugs, don't eat properly and fail to exercise enough. Millions? Billions is more accurate. We as a species have a curious habit of destroying ourselves.
As a biologist the first question I must ask is, what is the survival advantage of having a tendancy to neglect and harm ourselves? The truth is that not all self-destructive behaviour is considered bad.
Enlisting in the armed forces or police force of your country is a sure way to put yourself in harm's way. Doing a PhD, quitting your job, having sex with a stranger and going on a hunger strike are more ways one can harm oneself.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that this tendancy to harm ourselves is very important. Not simply because it makes us capable of heroic sacrifice but on a more sublime level it gives us a sense of free will. I know scientifically speaking absolute free will does not exist, but I don't want to go into that topic today (but be assured this is a topic I definitely want to cover in the future).
Instead consider an animal that can only act in its best personal interests. Such an animal is not capable of giving freely (they would always be expecting an equal or greater reward for their generousity else they are being self-destructive). They would also not be capable of making a choice, as a choice requires more than one option. If the only option is self-preservation then one isn't capable of considering radical solutions to problems like turning around and facing the problem head on in spite of the risks.
I enjoy watching David Attenborough's wildlife series but I'm always frustrated whenever I see ten thousand impalas or caribou flee a hunting dog or a solitary wolf. If the herd turned on their predator they could easy trample and kill it by sheer weight of numbers. But clearly these animals have no choice because they very predictably flee from a problem they could easily solve with a small amount of intelligence. Tragically, the few smart prey who do turn around and fight are rare mutants that don't occur spontaneously in large enough numbers to be effective and so the gene pool is kept clean of rebellious elements.
I postulate that a delicate balance of self-preservation instincts versus self-harming instincts is inside all of us. I believe this is both natural and desirable to have. I also believe our ignorance of our own tendancy to harm ourselves by investing more than we should into a project or relationship is more harmful than not having the ability to put ourselves through difficult experiences like post graduate education or raising children.
Today I have been thinking about all the ways I induce pain on myself and why. Poverty, so that I may follow a dream to become a scientist. Physical exhursion so that I might become fitter and stronger. Helping people out so that I will have people willing to help me when I need it.
No wonder we can't tickle ourselves, it is all so it won't hurt so much when we decide to harm ourselves for our own good. Gosh we're a complicated species.
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