The Self-Destruct Instinct

The recent death of my father has forced me to come to terms with an uncomfortable truth. Although my father didn't consciously acknowledge that he was doing this, he effectively killed himself. Through smoking, alcohol abuse, bad eating habits and a sedentary life-style my father had removed 20-30 years from his life expectancy.

As a child growing up I struggled with the irrationality of my father's self-destructive habits. I felt deeply hurt by his self neglect because I felt it had a negative impact on my life and happiness. When I grew older I came to understand my father better. He was a dazed and blinded soul who had lost much of his will to live. Certainly, he was neither suicidal or aware of having a self- destructive nature. Yet I feel certain that my father hastened this death considerably through his day to day decision making.

My father was not alone. Millions of people smoke, drink too much, take drugs, don't eat properly and fail to exercise enough. Millions? Billions is more accurate. We as a species have a curious habit of destroying ourselves.

As a biologist the first question I must ask is, what is the survival advantage of having a tendancy to neglect and harm ourselves? The truth is that not all self-destructive behaviour is considered bad.

Enlisting in the armed forces or police force of your country is a sure way to put yourself in harm's way. Doing a PhD, quitting your job, having sex with a stranger and going on a hunger strike are more ways one can harm oneself.

The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that this tendancy to harm ourselves is very important. Not simply because it makes us capable of heroic sacrifice but on a more sublime level it gives us a sense of free will. I know scientifically speaking absolute free will does not exist, but I don't want to go into that topic today (but be assured this is a topic I definitely want to cover in the future).

Instead consider an animal that can only act in its best personal interests. Such an animal is not capable of giving freely (they would always be expecting an equal or greater reward for their generousity else they are being self-destructive). They would also not be capable of making a choice, as a choice requires more than one option. If the only option is self-preservation then one isn't capable of considering radical solutions to problems like turning around and facing the problem head on in spite of the risks.

I enjoy watching David Attenborough's wildlife series but I'm always frustrated whenever I see ten thousand impalas or caribou flee a hunting dog or a solitary wolf. If the herd turned on their predator they could easy trample and kill it by sheer weight of numbers. But clearly these animals have no choice because they very predictably flee from a problem they could easily solve with a small amount of intelligence. Tragically, the few smart prey who do turn around and fight are rare mutants that don't occur spontaneously in large enough numbers to be effective and so the gene pool is kept clean of rebellious elements.

I postulate that a delicate balance of self-preservation instincts versus self-harming instincts is inside all of us. I believe this is both natural and desirable to have. I also believe our ignorance of our own tendancy to harm ourselves by investing more than we should into a project or relationship is more harmful than not having the ability to put ourselves through difficult experiences like post graduate education or raising children.

Today I have been thinking about all the ways I induce pain on myself and why. Poverty, so that I may follow a dream to become a scientist. Physical exhursion so that I might become fitter and stronger. Helping people out so that I will have people willing to help me when I need it.

No wonder we can't tickle ourselves, it is all so it won't hurt so much when we decide to harm ourselves for our own good. Gosh we're a complicated species.